Let's talk boobies.

That's right. Time to talk about the boobs. TMI alert, all gentlemen friends! Proceed at your own risk!

First and foremost, I am going to post this from my bloggy pal and friend IRL KNalani who always provides this disclaimer:
I am NOT an endocrinologist, or any kind of medical professional! This blog does NOT purport to offer medical advice, medical opinions, or recommendations.
Thanks, K. : )

On with the story...
One of my sisters was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Before you feel sorry for her, let me be clear that she is kicking cancer's ass. So we just cheer from the sidelines instead of being worried or sad. She is so strong and she will beat this.

Because of her diagnosis, the rest of us girls (pun intended) headed to the doc to get a baseline mammogram. I didn't think much of it. Just a simple test, pop it in the file and be done. The end.

It's important to note that I had been a resident of the self-imposed (& diagnosed) looney bin three weeks prior to this appointment. Remember that.

So, I got a little nervous going to the appointment. Your brain goes to bad places, especially if you are currently a mental case. Homie assured me everything would be fine. Okay. Everything will be fine.

The cancer center was remarkable. If there is ever a place that I am happy exists, even if I don't like being there, it's the cancer center in La Jolla. Comforting, welcoming, warm, light and the opposite of a stereotypical hospital. I check in, change into a robe and am taken to a little room where this big machine squishes your boob like a pancake. I didn't look. That procedure does not fall under the "need to know" image category in my brain. Surprisingly, it wasn't a big deal. If you have gone through delivering a small watermelon through your lady parts, a boob pancake is no biggie. Tech says, "We'll let you know within a few days. See you next year!".
I took that as a good sign.

That night at 9pm, I received an email from my doctor. They need to see me as soon as possible.

I FREAK OUT.

Your brain goes to worse places. The only positive was that stress and crap and looney bin first world problems just crumbled and fell away. All I could think about was my husband and my babies and what we would do if this situation did not go well.

I return two days later, and go through the same process. Results: dense breast tissue (genetic) which is hard to see when they take the boobie pancake photos. So some tissue had folded on top of itself in the photos and looked like something serious. It was nothing serious.
Instructions: "self check once a month and see you in a year." Whew.

Believe it or not, this story is not about my boobie pancake. It's about what happened after.

First of all, I was finally discharged from the looney bin. What could have been a real problem made all my ridiculous problems go away. Hallelujah for that. A month in "the bin" was too much and I had had enough.

Secondly, the hospital assigns you a counselor when you get a callback. This person helps you through the process (thank God my process was over quickly) and offers advice and guidance to help you reduce your risk of a breast cancer diagnosis later in life. My counselor was the most knowledgeable, caring, efficient hospital employee I have ever dealt with (other than my doc). In one 10 minute conversation, she not only eased my mind completely but also left me feeling empowered.

This is what she taught me.

What raises my risk (all things I can't control)
I have a relative with breast cancer who was diagnosed under age 50
I was older than 30 when I had my first child

What lowers my risk (things I can't control)
My sister's BRCA genetic test came back negative
No personal or family history of ovarian cancer (my mother died of cervical cancer, but that does not increase my risk)
(TMI ALERT!) Auntie Flo didn't come to my house for the first time until a lot later than most of my friends
(things I CAN control)
Not smoking
Exercising 3-4 times per week
Maintaining a healthy weight
Not boozing it up regularly

So, all of these reasons make sense on paper but I didn't understand the period part (why it mattered) and the part about having kids late in life. I learned that each time you have a period, you have a hormone surge, and that surge is like an estrogen assault on your body. When it comes to breast cancer, that "assault" is not good for you. So if you started your periods late, you have been "assaulted" less times than others your age. Now, on the flip side, having a child after you are 35 increases your risk because breast cells grow rapidly during pregnancy. If you are older your chances of having genetically damaged cells is high, so when you get pregnant those cells reproduce, creating more damaged cells. If you knocked those babies out when you were 20, your odds of having genetic damage was much lower, so you probably only had good cells reproduced. One other thing I thought was equally awesome and ridiculous was that if you are pregnant many times in your life, your risk is greatly lowered. Why? Because you had less periods. So, I will say what I know you're thinking. Michelle Duggar will probably never get breast cancer. Lucky lady! ; )

Another A-Ha! moment during our chat was when we talked about exercise. I know it's better for you, but I just felt like it was a common doctor schpeel that you need to workout. Nope. Turns out fat cells PRODUCE estrogen, so if you happen to be carrying some extra pounds, those extra cells tagging along are creating more of an "assault" on your body than someone who has a lighter load. Information broken down like that helps me process it better and see direct results from getting my butt out for a walk. That's just me, but it has certainly given me incentive to turn down the late night Oreo binge. This was the item that really left me feeling empowered. Some things I can't control but many things I can.

I will also be attending one (of many) free classes and seminars at the cancer center. Healthy eating, cooking classes, monthly seminars to reduce your risk. All of which I will recap here.

Bottom line:
I don't care how old you are. Go get a baseline mammogram. I am 39. My sister is 47. That is very young for a breast cancer diagnosis. Go get checked.

Soapbox dismount!

Please share any knowledge you've gathered in the comments below. I know I've barely scratched the surface and I'm still learning more myself. If you have knowledge/experience in this area, please share!

Sarah

Best Cookie in the Universe

A few years ago, I bought this book.

There are some fantastic cookie recipes in this book, including some that are typical Martha (way too much work than I enjoy). Unbelievably, my "Best Cookie in the Universe" is not included here, but the book gave me inspiration to try more of her cookie recipes so I thought you might like to check it out.

This is my version based on the cookie recipe Ms. Martha posted here.

Chewy Cherry Chunk Cookies

Makes 10 large or 36 small cookies

1 cup dried cherries
1 cup boiling water
1 stick (8 Tblsp) unsalted butter, room temp
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 medium or large egg, room temp (yes, it makes a difference)
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup white chocolate chips
1/2 cup milk or semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped pecans (optional-we don't like nutty cookies so I leave them out)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees with one rack in top third and one rack in bottom third of oven. Line baking sheets with parchment paper or Silpat silicone liners.

2. Place dried cherries in a small bowl and cover with 1 cup boiling water to plump them; let stand 5 minutes. Drain and set aside.

3. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine butter and both sugars. Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Do not over mix. Scrape down sides of bowl. Add egg and vanilla extract, beat to combine. Beat in flour, baking soda and salt. With a wooden spoon, fold in cherries, both chocolates and pecans. Batter should be stiff.

4. Use a small scoop or spoon to form balls of dough. Place the balls of dough about 4 inches apart on the baking sheets. Bake until golden and just set, rotating the sheets between the oven racks halfway through baking. About 15 minutes for large cookies and 12 minutes for small cookies. The scoop I use makes a medium sized cookie. I find I have had the best results baking the cookies for 7 minutes, then switch racks and bake for another 7 minutes. Transfer sheets to a wire rack to cool for about 5 minutes before transferring the cookies directly to the rack. Store in an airtight container for up to a week.

Batter should be stiff but not over mixed.

Try not to eat an entire scoop in one bite.

I love the little scoop since it makes this part go so much faster.

Oh my.

This is when you groan and wonder where this cookie has been all your life.

Enjoy!

Welcome to the Looney Bin

In the last 24 hours I lost my mind. Cuckoo. Looney tunes. Whackjob. Certifiable.

As I've mentioned before, Homie has a non-traditional schedule. If he worked only his scheduled days, I think he would work ten days per month. Overtime is available in his position (and may not be for long) so he tries to work as many off-days as he can. Most of the time, OT is available only in between his regular shifts (as opposed to his long stretches of days off). This means he's usually gone between 2 and 6 days in one stretch. Although I have a super flexible work-from-home job, my main responsibilities are taking care of our babies and The Magic House (our new home). My plate is full.

So...2 days by myself is cake. 3 days is okay. 4 days is pretty hard and 6 days is when I lose my damn mind. We started dating during his year of probation, so I've never known life with him any differently than this schedule. The only difference is now we have two (small) kids. This is our life and most of the time, it's a piece of cake.

Last week was the end of a 6 day stretch. It was too much. I never really felt like I had "recovered" from that stretch, then a few days ago another long stretch started. Yesterday was his only full day home this entire week and it was filled with chores, laundry, errands, a quick park visit and dinner. Last night, realizing our one day had flown by, I broke down with a tear-fest that would have totally impressed our two year old (sometimes) drama queen.

"I am not ready. I can't do this. It's too much." and my usual "I need more time!"

He did what he always does. Apologized. Snuggled. Wiped away tears. Told me I'd be fine. Then started snoring. ; )

This morning, I woke up in a panic that he was still asleep 30 minutes past departure time. He feigned shock and then smirked. He had taken the morning off to take care of his mental case wife kids. HALLELUJAH.

So, the babies wake up and start whining and fussing immediately (which is weird because they are usually really happy in the morning). Our daughter found her happy place pretty quickly but our son, not so much. Whining, crying, fussing all freaking morning. It was awesome. ; l

Then, this happened:

Me: (Exhausted, SO tired of the crying boy, knowing Homie is leaving soon, over it)
Homie: Uh-oh. (Looks at me like I've sprouted another head)
Me: Remember when we used to go on vacation and all there was to think about was eating and drinking and having fun? All the responsibilities faded away and we could just relax? Will we ever feel that again? I feel like my brain is always full. Like even when the babies are not physically there, they are in my head. Will I ever have my brain to myself again?
Homie: Nope. They'll always be there. Are you saying you need to leave and get a break?
Me: (Bursts into tears) I don't want to go anywhere, and I don't want to be sad! I love my babies and don't want to be away from them, I just want my brain to get a break. To have nothing in it for a little bit. I don't care if it's in our own living room that this happens. I just need my brain to myself.

Then it hit me. I've had this moment before. When I desperately want to think about nothing and I consider going on a girls' trip/vacation/whatever but I know my brain will still be full of worry and naps and toddler food ideas and birthday gift lists and preschool tours and schedules and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Where can I escape my brain?

Then I realized my mental breakdown of the last 24 hours has finally led me to exactly what I'm looking for: pre-child vacation brain.

So, that is my question for you, bloggy friends. Is vacation brain possible after children?
If it is, how do you find it?

Any advice is appreciated.

Xs and Os from the Looney Bin.
Sarah

The Anxious Blogger

Now that I've made my "Welcome to my blog!" announcement on Facebook, I find myself with a wicked case of blog anxiety.

How often to post? How personal should it be? What topics first? I need a new design! Will it be good enough (for me, for others, for who)? Is there a purpose? Am I ready for this? Yes, I am ready. Yes, it will be good!!

"Hi, I'm Sarah, and I'm afraid of my own blog!"

Aaack! Lame. : l

Today, I took a deep breath and looked for inspiration...mostly in the design category. I would get off track and start going through articles or photos here and there, which just increased my anxiety.

So I called Homie.

Me: I'm looking through blogs for inspiration and all I'm finding is a lot of complaining about being a mom or boooooring posts. One blogger actually called her kids as*holes. Where's the middle ground? Where are the people like me?
Homie: You'll find them.
Me: I know. Yes, this job is not easy, but overall I love it and it's fun. I'd rather be here than making sure coffee breaks are out on time. And I know they are not angels all the time but I would never even think to call our kids as*holes. Why do so many people connect with those bloggers?
Homie: It doesn't matter. You are you. Write with your voice.
Me: Yes, my own voice. I know. Okay.
Homie: Okay, bye. (Man of few words)

After our conversation I started looking through some old blogs I used to follow, just to see who designed their pages. One of those pages included a step-by-step guide for getting started. It definitely eased my anxiety to break it down into manageable parts and also brought me some perspective. This is our life. I will talk about our life and all that goes along with it. Life, Love and Lemons.

Simple enough.

Here we go!

As my two loyal followers can attest, I fall off the blog wagon quickly and easily.

Recently, the universe has been sending signs that this little blog just might be destined for bigger and better things.

So, here we go again. Welcome aboard!

Thanks for being here. : )

How things change.

I'm back to the blog again. When I wonder why I don't come around here more often, I think the basic idea in my head is that I have more important things to do than sit here and talk about myself. While I think that's a good thing to avoid that, something like a blog can also give you incentive to try new things and be more creative, so that's what I'm hoping for by blogging more often. And are Facecrack and Pinterest really any better? I think I can split my time.

So...
I'm sitting here on the couch, trying to type around this baby bump #2, watching Squishy (our 14 month old baby girl) play in the corner while I review my "Welcome" for this blog. I admit, when I read the part about baking bread and having all these big ambitions about being the best of everything, I laughed out loud. For real. I am sure my two loyal followers (both mothers themselves) got a good laugh out of that when they first read it too. How far we have come in just a couple of short years! A honeymoon baby sure does cut down on your desire (and time) to create a lot of baked goods. Sometimes in the last year, I just needed time to brush my teeth. I do feel like I've made some progress with my goals, which is a good thing, but there is still quite a way to go. We're on the right track, thank goodness, and things are pretty darn great around here.

On that note...

Since Lil' Peanut (#2) dropped the hammer on my gardening plans this year (hello, morning sickness) we are pretty behind with our little garden oasis. I'm hoping we're not too late in the season for a few of the veggies that are easy to grow out here...zucchini, pumpkins and maybe some snap peas. It will be fun to garden with Squishy, especially since she likes to throw things around and destroy everything in her path. Do they make baby-size gloves for weeding? I'll be posting some before and after pictures of the garden boxes. They are currently a hot mess. See? I'm already thinking I should go out there and weed instead of typing away on a blog to strangers in cyberspace. Hmm. Okay, focus. Yes, before and after pictures will be posted once we get moving on that project. Blog being used for incentive and productivity. Check.

Another item that seems to take up quite a bit of time around here is cooking. For my husband "being the best wife I can be", you ask? No, cooking for Squishy. : ) This kid eats better than I ever did, or than my husband currently does. I was raised on McDonald's and Pizza Hut, and although I didn't turn out ALL bad, I have higher hopes for Miss Squishy's food choices. It's annoying to like junk food and struggle with my diet, so while I won't deprive her of "treats" when she's older, I definitely don't want her to have the same struggles. Now, on to my point. I have a fantastic baby cookbook that I've been working with called "The Baby and Toddler Cookbook" by Karen Ansel and Charity Ferreira.

They split the recipes by age group, and I can honestly say Squishy has liked every single thing I've made from this book. I didn't puree baby food for her, despite my best intentions. By the time I was past the overwhelming first 4 months, the thought of spending my "new found" time making food was annoying and time consuming, so I bought the organic Plum pouches instead. Oh well. Now that she's on to "people" food, I no longer have the luxury of laziness in pouch form. The good part about all this is that it encourages me to eat better. Instead of grabbing the chips, I'm usually sharing whatever she's having. A common conversation in our house:

Homie: Whatcha making?
Me: Zucchini fritters with a goat cheese dipping sauce and fruit salad.
Homie: Sounds great.
Me: It's not for us. You're going to pick up sushi.
Homie: (annoyed face)

The "problem" is, Squishy eats anything. Anything. This makes her a perfect guinea pig for any and all recipes I make because it's like constant positive (cooking) reinforcement. Yes, I'm using my child to heal my issues. Anyway, eventually my cooking confidence will start to benefit the adults in this house. I just know it. Every zucchini fritter, pasta wheel and mini salmon cake gets me closer to that day.

So, as I wipe the cottage cheese out of Squishy's hair and look out the window to my weed-filled garden boxes, I must say good-bye.

I hope my two followers are having a VERY good day. ; )

The Blog Resuscitation

It has been two years since my little blog baby was started. Funny how a wedding, honeymoon baby and raising that little Sweet Pea can push blog baby right off the radar. Well, I'm back and ready to share more recipes, tips and stories of our adventures as a family. Stay tuned for more to come and thanks for visiting.